Something that I think is talked about very often in this Mental Illness Field, is that it can often derail your entire life. I am a prime example. My life has been derailed twice now due to my mental illnesses. However, something that I don’t see touched upon as much, is how to get your life back on track. Because if there is one truth in this life, is that time marches on…always, whether we want it to or not. So first, I am going to explain how my life has been derailed, and even put on pause due to my mental health, and then hopefully cover how I have recovered each time, stronger and more driven than the last.

So to start, I was about 17 the first time that mental health came barreling into my life. Of course, I was ill, very ill for long before this moment, but I never knew it. I was very good at hiding my illness, even from myself. I had no idea that I was depressed until I tried to kill myself. It’s kinda like getting all the way to the restaurant, finishing your meal, and then realizing that you forgot your wallet at home. Very similar feeling, yet drastically different events and consequences. So, I was 17 the 3rd time I tried to kill myself, but I was very serious about it this time. The first and second times, I had taken a handful of pills that I collected over a set amount of time. The third time, I made doubly sure that I wouldn’t survive. I took a bottle and a half of sleeping pills (that I previously was using to sleep, because y’know…insomnia) and wrote a suicide note and everything. I was convinced that I was going to die, and posted my suicide note onto social media, because I yearned for attention as one of the “outcast” kids. Luckily for me, someone who probably knew me called the police when they saw my note, and long story short I made it to the hospital with mere minutes to spare.

So ultimately I was sent to an inpatient facility for about a week, and then came the various therapies and doctors wanting to prescribe medicine. Oddly enough, I was very anti medication back then, as I believe that my father was too and back then he was very important to me (read My Relationship With My Father to understand better). So I even went to a special school for people with mental issues. My teen years were not that pleasant looking back on them. Yet, I am glad that my life went the way it did, because look at me now! I’m doing phenomenally, and I owe it all to that single night I tried to kill myself. So the moral of my story here is, regardless of how off track you may think you are, as long as you persevere, you can always end up right where you want to.

So, the second part of this post is to explain how I got my completely derailed life back on track. I want to apologize in advance that this part won’t be as long as the first part, because getting your life back on track is actually very simple. Now, simple does not mean easy, none of this is easy, but honestly it is very simple. The answer is…just keep marching forwards! No matter what life throws at you, time will not stop to let you get ahold of yourself. So you shouldn’t stop either! Well, actually, I do recommend taking breaks every now and again, just for some self-inflection. But always keep marching forwards. That’s how I got my messed up life straightened out. Whatever I was doing, I was always looking forwards. Now occasionally, I’d look back to reflect on my actions, usually to guilt-trip myself, because depression and all. Yet, whenever I felt as though I lost everything, I would only focus on making progress. Just because you start with everything, lose it all, then end up at the bottom, doesn’t mean jack scheisse (shout out to all my German speaking homies) starting at the bottom, with nothing, means you have all the more to gain! Your progress is exponential compared to that of others. Every step forwards in your life is a victory worth celebrating. Especially if you’re in the midst of recovering from a mental health “episode”.

So the point I’m trying to drive home here, is that regardless of what happens in life, always keep moving. You don’t necessarily even have to be optimistic, just keep moving forwards. That’s all you can really do in life anyways. I mean you can’t go back in time and change anything, so just focus on getting your future to do what you want. From my mind to yours, this is Alan Wolfgang, signing off