So, this is my first real blog post in I don’t know how long. The motto here at Out of My Mind is to keep everything unfiltered, and raw, straight from my mind to yours. However I can promise you that I will keep profanities at a bare minimum, since I don’t really like to curse at all, unless I’m drunk. So, what I’m writing about today is my family, I won’t be using names to help protect their identites as well as my own, so you’ll have to deal with it. First, let’s bring up my mother, whom I love with all my heart. I have certainly not made life easy for her, as dealing with a depressed adult child is, I can imagine, infinitely harder than just dealing with an adult child. Not to mention my two siblings have their own issues, both mental and physical health. However, I feel very sorry for my mother. All she does is work, and she works her hardest, to be able to provide for her family. Most of the time, and I admit I’m at fault here too, she feels as though she never receives any appreciation for all the hard work she is doing to make sure this family of ours stays afloat. To make matters worse, she is doing this by herself, as my father abandoned us many years ago. No, he is still alive, he just wants nothing to do with his family anymore. I can only imagine the stress that she deals with on a daily basis. I try to put it in terms my brain can comprehend, but I have never been able to do it successfully. I have seen her break down multiple times, and each time I see it, it breaks my heart. Then again, when she gets upset she gets a touch manipulative, and always gets her way, one way or another. Even so, I try my best to not only stay on her good side, but also support her in anyway I can. Ultimately I am limited in the ways I can support her, as I am her child, not her partner in this family. I acknowledge that, and still try my best to offer her whatever support I can, while maintaining my mental health. It is a difficult place to be, but I try my best to do whatever I can to help her, as she has gone above and beyond as a parent to me (especially compared to my father).

Next, is my siblings, I have a younger brother and sister, twins actually. My sister is bipolar, not sure which one, and my brother has severe physical ailments. However, I feel that both of them do whatever they can to get out of helping my mother. Despite all that she has done, and continues to do, for them. They still remain selfish little brats, and it hurts me. As the older brother, I hold myself at least partially responsible for their upbringing. Partially here being the key word, as I am most certainly not a parent to either of them. While I have tried to fill the gap that my father made when he left, I am usually unsuccessful. Not only because I am not a parent, but because I myself am so screwed up that my siblings rarely take my advice. However, as I have tried to tell them, I’m trying to keep them from making the same mistakes as I did, but it usually falls on deaf ears. To make matters worse, my sister likes to stop taking her medicine every now and again, and needless to say, she gets a little…hectic, to say the least, when she’s off her meds. When she is off her meds, she usually goes “off the rails” in her personal life, this time is no different. Then, to top it all off, she takes out her frustration out on the family.

Well, I think I’ve vented enough about my family life for today. Hopefully, not too many of you can relate to this, as I would hope your families operate a little better than mine does. However, if you do relate to my situation, then I feel for you. Keep your heads up though, just because something is broken, doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. I am living proof of that. So, straight from my mind, to yours, this is Alan Wolfgang, signing off.