This is a point that my mother brings up rather often, but rarely follows herself. My siblings and I are constantly comparing ourselves to one another. None of us like to put in hard work, me because of my depression, my sister because of her BPD, and my brother because he’d rather spend his time doing something he enjoys. Now I’m not saying that any of these reasons are sufficient explanations as to why we don’t like hard work. The larger problem here is that we, as human beings, need 3 things to achieve “happiness”. This is also considering that all of your essential needs are already met, like food, shelter, water, etc. First is mastery, finding something that you enjoy doing and that you are good at, and want to become the best. This essentially provides a purpose for your life, an overarching goal to strive towards. Second, is belonging, somewhat self-explanitory. Finding social interactions that are meaningful, and also give purpose to your life. Lastly, is autonomy. This one is a little more simple, yet confusing. You have to be able to make what desicions you want, when you want, about your own life. Simple, right? You turn 18 (in the US) and you’re basically treated as an adult, who makes their own desicions. This is where it gets confusing, in order to make whatever desicions you want, whenever you want, you’ll need a lot of money, free time, and maybe even power. That doesn’t, usually, happen automatically, and requires many years of back-breaking work.

So, comparing ourselves to eachother, as in the case of my siblings and I, is one way we measure mastery. Y’know, saying we are better than the other, because one has a better job, or did more of the chores that week, or whatever really. And what my mother says is that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to eachother, because it doesn’t change our standing in her eyes. Even though she’ll often compare herself to us, because we are younger, fitter, and in less pain than she is. So in theory, we should be doing more of the housework than she does. I don’t disagree with this statement, but that is for another time. The act of comparing ourselves to someone else, either results in one of two ways. Either we think we are “better” than the other person, and feel good about ourselves; or we think we are “worse” than the other person, making us feel bad. You see, this type of mastery, gets rather complex the more you think about it. You can easily break down what’s better or worse than the other person, and ask why do you end up with that answer. This comparing, usually will make us happy, if we are better than who we compare ourselves to, but not for very long. Eventually, it becomes this incessant need to be better, to be the best. For some, this can become a driving force in their life, but for most, it becomes this ball and chain hooked up to your ankle. The better way to achieve happiness through mastery, is just do what you enjoy and are good at. I mean you do it long enough, all the fame and money and whatever will come anyways eventually. I mean, look at somebody like Carl Sagan, he loved what he did, and eventually he became the face of astrophysics. If you just do what you love, and love what you do, you’ll get better at it as time goes by.

So the point I’m trying to make, is why are we still comparing ourselves to others to feel better about ourselves? This might bring you happiness, but it will be so fleeting that eventually you’ll have to find someone else to compare to. It’s this unending chain of trying to be better than someone else. Why not just be the best you? Just focus more on what you’re doing, and less on who’s better than who. Reap all the joy you can from enjoying what you do, and doing what you enjoy. So let’s not have these archaic “contests” with eachother. Let’s focus on ourselves, and bettering ourselves, then we can better others using what we learned. It’s really a simple process, so let’s get to it! From my mind to yours, Alan Wolfgang, signing off