I often find myself sitting on the couch watching tv, or laying in bed scrolling through my socials, and I am ALWAYS reminded about how awful people are. I think it has to do with how connected the world is these days. It seems I can’t go a single day without something reminding me about how many terrible people there are, and how the world is (rather quickly) going to sh*t. I mean, it really hasn’t changed for over 1000 years, those with money or power feel like they can do whatever they want. While the rest of us, trying to live our best lives, are just cogs in their machines.

I don’t know, I’ve written an article about how often I am filled with existential dread. It was one of the overarching roots of my suicidal ideations. I think that’s why I’m having such a difficult time with recovery. I’ve changed, for the better, and have been putting my everything into beating depression. Yet, the world remains the same, filled to the brim with such garbage, metaphorically, and literally. It’s no secret that I live in the US, so as you all can imagine, I was shuttered when Trump took office. I was shocked that there was enough people in the US that believed his bs. Granted, Hillary was a burning garbage pile too, so basically the country is screwed. But if you think about it, the whole world is screwed. So I don’t really know what I’m so upset about. For crying out loud, we’ll all be dead in a few decades. No amount of money, power, or fame will save anybody once the planet itself dies.

I don’t really want to get political, or dive into my trove of conspiracy theories. A little too late for that obviously, but I really would like to drop the politics, because politics only makes me dread living. The number one reason I wanted to die, was not because I was depressed, but because I didn’t want to live in a world that was circling the drain. It is so painful for me to watch what goes on in this world, and come to the realization that I am truly powerless to change it. Yeah, I can help where and when I can, and be a generally good person, I’m not going to stop doing that. However, the world as a whole is beyond saving. These rich and powerful people who run the world, have us all dancing around on their puppet strings. They don’t care what happens to any of us, so long as they are still making money. I’ve tried so hard to turn a blind eye to all the world’s suffering, and live my life as best I can. But like I said, there is not a day that goes by that I am not somehow reminded about the state of the world. I really hope this doesn’t drag any of you down, but well, I’m just sick and tired of all the crap. Like, how hard is it to just worry about your own life, and treat people with respect and decency? I treat everyone fair and well, but I can’t narrow my focus to just myself. I want to know how, so desperately. I mean my life basically depends upon it. I’m not suicidal, nor am I slipping back into depression, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the Trumps, Clintons, Rothchilds of the world. I’m tired of people dying over what they believe about the afterlife. I’m tired of people caring about such material lifestyles. I’m just tired.

It really sucks too, because I myself am finally doing so well. I’ve got a new job, I’ve beat my depression, I am working on my social anxiety, I’ve found purpose in my life. Yet there is always something that I can’t stand in my life, and I am always unable to change it or let it go. I know that a lot of you feel this way, but if you don’t, well, you live the best you. I don’t wish any harm or disaster on anyone. I want everyone to have a life worth living. Something that I haven’t had for the past 20 years. I just want a life worth living, but the world makes it so damn hard. Whatever, I’m over it. Hopefully I can just focus on me for a while, but we’ll see. From my mind to yours, Alan Wolfgang, signing off