Y’know, from my personal experience, there are a lot of things people don’t talk about when it comes to depression. First things first, as I always say, depression is a normal human emotion. Depression takes over when just sadness isn’t enough. However, severe depressive disorder is not the same as depression. I was diagnosed with severe depressive disorder in 2011, but I’ve been depressed most of my life. I finally beat my depression January 2019, with the help of ECT. So I can now look back at my depression, and see how truely terrible it was. I make it a point to tell everyone that depression is beatable. Some just have to try different things to beat it. I mean, I literally let them shock my brain, so that I could get out of my depression.

What people don’t really talk about that often, is what comes after the depression fades. Like, I’ve lived my entire rememberable life depressed. All I know is depression. Now that I’m not depressed, I’m like a newborn, but in his mid-20’s. For example, I don’t know what feeling normal is like. I’ve never had a normal, I’ve only had depressed, and not so depressed. So I’m confused on how I’m supposed to feel if not depressed. People who have lived most of their lives depressed, don’t know any other way. I mean, I was convinced that I’d die depressed. I thought I would never see the day where I felt anything other than depressed. Yet, here I am. But nobody told me that I would have such a hard time adjusting. I mean, everything I’ve ever done, I’ve done to survive. Not showering, overeating, laying in bed staring at the ceiling, all to not kill myself. Now that I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore, I’m still stuck in the same patterns, because I did them for so long. I’ve gotten used to not taking care of myself, so much so that actually trying to take care of myself is so much harder than I thought it would be. Why does everybody talk about beating depression, y’know, we’re all in this together and stuff, but nobody talks about what to do after depression is beaten?

I want to, again, reiterate that depression is beatable. You can overcome depression so long as you never give up, and always keep fighting. I also want to be the first to say that life DOES NOT get any easier. I mean, sure, I don’t want to kill myself anymore, but I don’t know how to live life. I only know how to survive, and now that survival is taken care of, I have to build a life from scratch. I essentially lost over 20 years of my life, that everyone else had to build their life up. All of my formative years are just gone. I still have all the baggage from those years, but other than that, I’ve got nothing. I have to start 20+ years behind others my age.

So just remember. Once you beat depression, the work doesn’t end there. Living life is a journey and a half. Imagine you’re treading water in a pool, depression was the anchor tied to your ankle. Now that the extra weight is gone, you still have to tread water, you just don’t have something constantly pulling you under. From my mind to yours, Alan Wolfgang, signing off.