So yesterday was my last ECT treatment. I’m glad, but at the same time nervous. I’m glad because this means that I’ll no longer have to schedule out an entire day just to get treated. This allows me to really jump head first into my job search. It gives me more time in order to do what I want. Maybe not when I want, because being unemployed is no box of chocolates either. Yet I would rather have a job, then be unemployed. I mean I’m not going to lie, I thoroughly enjoyed my “time off” that I spent unemployed. Sleeping in, doing whatever, whenever. It was nice, but eventually, as with all things, the enjoyment faded, and I found myself with more time than things to do. Plus, unemployment didn’t pay that much, so that limited the hobbies that I would be able to undertake.

I am nervous because ECT was more or less my last resort. What am I going to do if this doesn’t continue? I mean, I should say what am I going to do when this way I feel ends. In all recent studies involving ECT, the patient always returns to their former state, some get years, some get months of benefit from treatment. Well, I suppose that I am seeing a new psychologist tomorrow, so she may even change my meds. I think my last doctor was in the pocket of the pharmaceutical companies, and he didn’t accept insurance. So not only could I not afford him, I believe that he was prescribing based on benefits for himself. I mean I have no proof, but my gut feelings are usually spot on.

So I really have to start building a support network, something I never thought of in the past. With my therapist and this new psychologist in my corner, I feel a little less anxious about how long my treatment will last. So far, I have proven to be medication resistant, but I haven’t tried everything under the sun. I have many more medicines to try in order to really say that I am medication resistant.

Now, with this new blog of mine, I at least have an outlet for the things that bother me. Hopefully it will continue to grow, and I’ll be able to actually say that I’m helping people and not just myself. From my mind, straight to yours, Alan Wolfgang signing off