I already know what you’re thinking. “Even if I wanted to put myself first, my illness(es) won’t let me!” Believe me, I know. I have been in a position, still partially am, where I can’t put my own desires first. Well, I don’t have a job currently, so that means lots of time, but no money. I mean, I am still getting unemployment, but I have to save it to go towards my monthly bills.

There is a very large difference between putting yourself first, and thinking only of yourself. When I was depressed, I leaned towards thinking only of my needs. Thinking that is what putting myself first meant. I was wrong, and let me tell ya, the difference is rather large. Putting yourself first, means meeting your own needs above others. When I put it that way it does sound a little selfish. The key here is, that after your needs are met, you spend considerable energy helping others. Generally depression will leave you with two options, either become a self-centered asshole, and blame it all on your depression (which is a cop-out); or you end up putting your needs last, which ironically feeds your depression. It is up to you to put your needs first. I’m talking basic needs here, like eating, hydration, etc. You could throw hygiene in there if you want, but I don’t think it’s essential for survival. Then you move onto your healthy person needs, I.e. therapy, hygiene, etc. (I personally believe even “healthy” people should see a therapist) after you feel like you’ve done all you can for yourself, you can spend all the energy you want fulfilling the needs of others.

Taking care of yourself will feel selfish at first, I know, but in the long run you have to do it anyways. That has been the hardest part of my recovery, taking care of myself. I don’t know if I ever shared this before, but I have two younger siblings. Both of which have their own issues (thanks DNA). However, they both put themselves first by being self-centered little jerks. I try my best not to end up like that, because that may be the easy route, but it is by no means the right one. Taking care of yourself not only makes you feel better, but it gives you indispensable experience that you can use to help others. Now I’m not saying that you’re required to help other people, because you aren’t. Yet, if you want to be a decent human being, helping others is a given. I mean I write not only to help myself, but to help all of you out there reading this. Long story short, you have to walk this very thin line between not taking care of yourself and only taking care of yourself. I’m not saying that it’s easy, because it sure as hell isn’t. But at the end of the day, you need to put yourself first, because that is one of the stepping stones on the road to recovery. From my mind to yours, this is Alan Wolfgang, signing off.