Life with depression is incredibly hard. Something that nobody tells you about beating depression, is that life doesn’t get much easier. I recently finished my ECT treatments, and I tout here on this blog that I am 99.9% cured of my depression. This .1% though, is getting rough recently. It’s all the bad habits that I formed during my depression, that may have kept me alive while depressed, but have no place in my new depression-free life. For example, my personal hygiene suffered dramatically during my depression. I would go weeks without bathing, and not give it a second thought. I find myself facing the same difficulties getting in the shower now, as I did then. I have no idea why…that’s not true, I know why taking care of myself is so hard. It’s because I’ve never had to do it before. I’m essentially a newborn trapped in a grown man’s body. All these things that people know how to do, like taking care of yourself, I am unversed in. For example, I used to lay in bed all day, sleeping in on my days off, and I wouldn’t want to get out of bed. I find myself doing the same thing now, even as I type out this article, because it’s a habit.

Yes, I owe my life to these habits, but like I said, they have no place in my new life. However, as with all habits, they are so hard to break. Especially these ones though, because they literally kept me alive. That is why it is so important to celebrate the little victories. Not only will doing so decrease the amount that I rely on these bad habits, they will also allow me to develop new healthier habits in their place. The human brain relies on Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphins and Oxytocin to feel pleasure (as I’m sure most of you already know). So if you start doing things that release these chemicals, i.e. celebrating getting out of bed as a small victory, you will be more inclined to actively perform these new habits.

I know that it sounds silly and maybe even childish to celebrate getting out of bed. Yet, I know that those of you who have been where I have, with major depression, will completely understand how difficult it is to get out of bed sometimes. It’s these little wins, that I plan on building my new life around, it certainly won’t be easy, but nothing in life that is truely worth it ever is. From my mind to yours, this is Alan Wolfgang, signing off.