I am proud to finally be able to say that I am free from depression’s clutches. ECT treatment has changed my life, and allowed me to have a glimpse of normalcy. Now if you’ve read my post What is normal?, then you’ll realize that I use that word, normal, very lightly. I don’t think that I’ll ever be normal, because of the life experiences that I’ve gained through depression.

Only now, am I able to see what depression was taking from me, every day. It would always start with my energy. No matter how much I slept, I would always still be tired. Not only that, but I couldn’t do as much as I wanted to. I would not only have no energy to spare, but would run out of energy twice as fast. I look back at my life, and I wonder how much damage I caused to those around me. I mean, being depressed I was only able to focus on myself, only think about survival. It is not a pleasant place to be, by far, but I can only imagine what it was like to those who cared about me. Wondering if every day could be my last. I mean it was horrible for me, I can’t even imagine what it was like for people who had no control over it. I’m not saying that I had control over my depression, not like I do now, but I had a semblance of control over what I let it made me do.

Depression is a thief, and it will take everything from you, whether you let it or not. It’s not even a sly thief. It doesn’t often wear a disguise, it is loud, obnoxious, and the only thing it does well is sneaking in the first time. However, once you know that it’s in your house, taking your things, you can fight back. I personally don’t condone medications, as I believe that it’s like playing darts blindfolded. Most psych doctors have good intentions, but I haven’t found a medication that works for me yet. However, for some people, meds work really well! I’m not saying you should skip meds, as meds are a crucial part to getting better. What I can say should be your first step once you catch depression in the act, is get yourself into therapy. One on one, group, anonymous, whatever you want. Just get into therapy, you 99.9% won’t regret it. (I say that, because there are MH professionals that aren’t in it for the patients) luckily for me, I have had great, mostly, experiences with MH professionals. As I’ve said, I think my current psychiatrist is in the pocket of big pharma, but hopefully the next one will be better. There was also that time in college, where I said I bought something online, and then my therapist ratted me out and said,”No you didn’t” (I was in police custody already because I was a suicide risk) I’m only slightly bitter about that part, I know that if I become a danger to myself the therapist can break HIPAA, and that’s exactly what she did. So I really have no right to be upset. And believe me, I can rationalize the hell out of my point of view, but I’m turning a new leaf. I forgive my college therapist for probably getting me into more trouble than needed. Back to the point, most therapists are good people, but people none the less. They are not perfect, nor immune from mental health problems themselves. So whatever you do, get yourself a therapist, with the understanding that they will do their best to help you. Straight from my mind, to yours, Alan Wolfgang, signing off.