So, you can probably tell that I am writing a lot more than I said I would. I am writing a lot more than I think I ever have, since I started blogging. I just feel like this cage I have been in, is suddenly gone. As if my mind is finally free from the shackles of depression and anxiety. I feel as though I can write about anything, especially since the whole point of this blog is to transcribe my thoughts.

Honestly though, something I thought about recently, is that I used to love playing video games. I am greatful to video games for a lot of things. Not only was it an escape for me, from my tortured mind, but it actually let me socialize without my anxiety getting in the way. One of my best friends, actually 2 out of 3 of my dearly beloved friends, I’ve made because of video games. Hell, and excuse my profanity, even all 3 of my closest friends I may be able to thank video games. To this day (I don’t really remember it, more like remembering a memory existed) I still remember getting my Xbox 360, putting in my copy of Halo 3, and thinking, “Wow, it’s so realistic” (it wasn’t) but its because of that game that I was able to group myself into a group of peers, and eventually make friends.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t have too big a problem with anxiety, not like my depression. Yet, I would always experience an unhealthy level of anxiety when talking to people, even those I knew well. I am a chronic overthinker, and that’s where my anxiety would thrive. To make matters worse, I wasn’t a very confident kid, I’m not really now either. So, while I was thinking through every possible meaning to what someone said, I could barely think of an applicable response. It was this that, luckily I grew out of kinda, but it damaged my self esteem beyond imaginable. Something my mother told me, that I still hold dear, is that “You don’t need a lot of friends, only one good one” and I remind myself of that every time I worry about being popular.

Back to video games. I mean for me, they were my life up until about this year. I don’t know if it’s just me maturing, or games have gotten worse, or what. I just don’t find the same enjoyment in video games that I used to, oddly enough, neither do my friends. So here I am, now 99.9% cured of my mental illnesses, without a job, or a hobby to take up my time. Well…nothing against you guys, I still love writing, and I won’t disappear this time, promise. I don’t like reading that much, I don’t like cleaning (although I wish I did), I really don’t know what I can do other than write, hence all the posts today. If you guys/gals/non-binary folk have any suggestions, I’m happy to hear em, just comment on this post.

From my mind to yours, Alan Wolfgang, signing off