Hello again everyone. It’s been a while, but as you know, life is often chaotic, and even when you want things to go a certain way, it rarely does so.

But today, I figured I’d try something a little different. Instead of my incessant whining about my own problems and the going ons of my life, I thought that I would offer a bit of advice for those going through tough times right now. As you all may or may not know, for those of you who’ve never read anything by me until now, welcome; I suffer from Severe Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety. Yes, I know, diagnoses are usually big words with fancy meanings behind them. So to sum things up, I’ve been depressed since I can remember, near constant suicidal thoughts, and I usually experience moderate anxiety about normal everyday things. Luckily for me, I’ve made tremendous progress with both of these Mental Illnesses. I talk about that quite a bit in my ECT related articles. But enough about me, lets talk about what I’ve learned through those dismal years of torture, and how it might help you.

Firstly, the number one rule that you have to tell yourself is “It’s not my fault.” Now, whether you believe yourself when you say this is a whole other story. You might also be thinking, “Wow Alan! I NeVeR KnEw CuRiNg DePrEsSiOn WaS So EaSy!” all sarcastic like. Granted, I do not mean to patronize you or what you are going through, but simply saying something can actually make some difference. In my case, I was born with it, a messed up head that made me only think of killing myself. But for years, I would always spin things in my head, so that whatever was bothering me at the time, would ultimately end up as “my fault”. Of course, whether you’ll admit it or not, this line of thinking will send you down a very dark and dreary rabbit hole in your head until you don’t even challange the thoughts anymore. Also, this is not something that will take root overnight, after a week, maybe even not after a year or ten. But the act of simply reminding yourself that your depression, the circumstances you’ve found yourself in through your illness; are not your fault, will begin to crack the black veneer that your illness has coated your mind with. This is not easy, hell, it might not even work for you. But that act of rebellion against your illness, just challenging it, will loosen its grip over you, ever so slightly. And that small bit of breathing room can sometimes make a world of difference.

Next big rule is that “Mental Health Days” are not something to feel guilty over. This is something that I struggled with severely. Before my ECT treatment, I would call out from my jobs very regularly, sometimes multiple times a week. And I would always go back to sleep not caring, but when I woke up several hours later, the dread, regret and guilt would seep its way into my brain like a poison. I would get mad at myself for not going to work, for being too weak to deal with it like an adult should. It wasn’t until much later that I realized, that mental health days are a neccessity for people like us. We, like a smartphone, have a battery, that allows us to do things like any other person would, whether professionally or socially. The thing is, our battery leaks, or rather has energy siphoned off by our illness, our sadness, our regrets, our desires even. So needless to say, we as humans, need time to recharge this battery we have inside our heads. However, unlike most other people, we run out much, much sooner, and it takes far longer to “recharge”. Not only that, but simple, everyday tasks seem to take more energy for us than they do of someone else. I mean, you’ll often hear people bragging that they worked 80 hours this week, like it’s a badge of honor. Not only will I never understand this mindset, but after working a 70 hour week myself, I felt like I needed a whole month off afterwords to get myself back to functional. I imagine that this is a rather regular feeling of those who work too much, but for people like us, where everything feels like work, we are dead serious when we say we need a month off to get back into working order. Becuase just getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, doing laundry, regular everyday things, can and will often feel equal to working a 60 or 70 hour work week in itself. Now adding that to an actual 70 hour work week will leave you fizzled out so badly, that you just crawl back into bed when you get home, and can’t get even the simplest things done. I mean, there were days i just jumped into bed when I got home, didn’t even eat, watch any TV, just needed to recharge. So this is my long roundabout way of saying that Mental Health days are a requirement for us, but they still need some moderation, because a job won’t stay a job if you never go to it. But, taking a random few days off every month is a bit more acceptable. No need or reason to feel guilty over recharging desperately needed energy so that you can at least function at work. Because i’ve had people notice the bags under my eyes, and that general look of basically being dead inside, and those conversations were definitely not pleasant to try and talk my way out of. So call out, take a day to just get comfortable existing again. You, like any other person out there, can only do so much until you hit your limit, and that’s okay, that’s just a part of being human. Cheesy, I know, but it’s true. And if I could add a “Part B” to this rule, it would be that Isolation is not always as bad as your therapist makes it sound. There are those of us who actually thrive off being alone. It allows us to relax when we can’t anytime else. It allows us to rest, when we desperately need it. Too much of course begins to effect us negatively, but every so often it isn’t a bad thing.

Lastly, and this might sound condescending, even cruel after all I’ve just said, but ultimately, you have a choice when it comes to your mental health. I know that you never asked for this, and if you had the option, you’d dump your depression in the nearest dumpster, set it on fire, and push it into the ocean; but at the end of the day, you are always faced with a choice. Do you let your illness get the best of you? Or do you fight back? Of course it’s not always that simple, and I never said it was, but it boils down to these two choices. And I’m not saying that you need to always fight your illness, and that if your illness wins you’re a failure. What I am saying, is this is a long war, that can only be won through tactics, guile and strategy. You don’t need to fight every single day, there are merits to letting your illness have its way today, so that you can mount an offensive tomorrow. It is a give an take that you need to react accordingly. Take the wins you can with the pride that you deserve. Take your losses not with shame or indignity, but as a sign to readjust your plans, and find a new avenue of attack. Mental Illness is a long, ugly war, and sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel hasn’t been seen for longer than you’d like to admit. But there is something to be said about us, the ones who never give up fighting, no matter how fruitless the war seems. So long as we breath, our illness hasn’t won. Some days are harder than others, and some days you don’t want to go on anymore. Some days you can’t even see a reason to go on, everything is dark, and that shadow in your mind is screaming at the top of its lungs. But it’s these days that we need to accept that it’s okay to hide, it’s okay to feel worthless, it’s okay to want to give up. Because we need to do whatever we can, whatever we have to, to make it to tomorrow. It’s ugly, sometimes shameful, sometimes downright wrong. But don’t let that get to you, you have to do anything in order to win this fight. Hell, commit all the war crimes against your illness that you can. Make it regret the day that it nested in your brain and made your life a living hell. You need to set a destination, and not give any s**ts about how long or how many tries it takes you to get there. Because you willl not go down without fighting tooth and nail. You will take this godforsaken illness for all it’s worth and not give a damn whatever methods you’ve used to do so. Just put yourself first, make sure you’re okay, make it to tomorrow. Because tomorrow is a new day, and we have no idea what it has in store for us. Because when life gives you lemons, put ’em in a blender and throw them back in life’s ugly face.